Because I'm the mom.....

Who's with me?  Why the heck is love and relationships so darn hard?  I'm not used to love being hard.  I'm not used to a relationship being hard.   The first serious relationship I had was in high school.  My high school sweetheart woke up my life to romantic love.  I realize as a young person maybe it wasn't as deep as "grown up" relationships, but it was very real to me.  I was in love much to the upset of my parents.  LOL  But as most high school relationships do, we broke up and I was heartbroken.  It's the first time I had been the "dumped" instead of the "dumpie". Fast forward to my marriage.  I was still young and not sure that I made the best choices about WHY I decided to get married.  I mean, I really liked him, but I'm not sure if it was true, deep and passionate love.  I was happy but still not a good reason to get married. And then we have NOW.....I'm divorced, but finally found myself.  It's been...

In my last post I was sharing that I was divorced.  It was a shock to pretty much everyone with the exception of some family and close friends.  Unfortunately it was a huge shock to the kids.  I'm not sure how you break the news that their world is going to change and be forever different.  They of course didn't find any information given to them to be "good enough" reasons for me to leave their father.  Even several years later, they are still very much affected by this. I've carried the very serious MOM GUILT with me almost daily.  I've gone between their happiness (or perceived happiness) and my own.  It feels selfish at time.  But I also finally found that I needed to really find myself and my true happiness.  I'm not talking the superficial kind.  Because I had lots of that.  And I will be 100% honest.....not all of my marriage was unhappy.  Not at all.  But as I look back over time, I see where I wasn't being hones...

So many people were shocked to hear of my divorce.  We were the couple that "would last forever" and "were perfect for each other".  There was a time when that was true.  I'm so thankful for what came out of my marriage....mainly my 4 amazing kids.  I was a stay-at-home mom for years and while I loved most moments of it, I did find I lost myself.  I lost who I was.  I was HIS wife and THEIR mom.  I wasn't sure what I loved or was passionate about.  And I struggled with depression off and on.  After some issues with my husbands ability to find solid work, I went to work after years of being away.  I really enjoyed working but struggled to make enough money to keep the family afloat.  I was blessed enough to find a job that was excellent money, but long hours working as a paramedic.  This was enough to take care of the family, but kept me away with 24 hour shifts.  This was a blessing and a curse I suppose. I found mysel...

It’s been years! I can’t believe I used to blog and was very much a computer nerd. I had the privilege to travel and meet people from all over the world. Now I stay pretty close to home and while I’m still that girl, I’m a completely different woman. I have so many changes to share. I can’t wait to take you on this new journey of my life. The good , the bad, and sometimes the very ugly. I’ve made so many mistakes, but have learned so much. So grab some coffee or something stronger and let’s talk.