Spent an HOUR talking about lying!
Here is the amazing thing as a parent, you fight many battles, and no matter how RIGHT you may be, you seem to lose more than you win. Maybe not in the eyes of the outside world, but inside the house....you know your kid just looks at you with that "whatever" look.
My darling 10 yr old who used to think I was incredible, now thinks I'm the biggest pain in the world. I know she thinks I ONLY try to ruin her life in one way or another. Somewhere in my head, I thought we wouldn't deal with this until she was in her teens. Boy was I wrong!
Case and point. Saturday we went grocery shopping. This is something that I actually ENJOY doing. It is fun, and helps my "spending/buying bug" feel satisfied. :) I love walking up and down every isle looking for creative (or not so creative) food choices. I like having to decide if the price of organic is worth it. Or even if the store brand will taste the same as the name brand (to anyone who doesn't know......Mac & Cheese is NOT equal- go brand name here). Anyway, you get the point- it is an enjoyable part of my week/month.
I digress. During our shopping trip my oldest girls enjoy "shopping" on their own. Generally they walk the isles and just look. Occasionally they show up with something they just "have" to have and every now and then we will actually let them have it. We had almost finished our shopping trip when Kayla came and said that a man asked them if they would like hot chocolate and could they "PLEAASSSEEE" have some. Now if YOU were confronted with this situation, wouldn't you think- someone offering them hot chocolate means a sample? We said yes, that was fine.
As we are leaving the store, here come my two girls with HUGE cups of hot chocolate. I say something like "that was the sample?" Kayla tells me at this point that she didn't realize, but it cost money. Her father was less happy than I was, and said something about how she had lied to us.
Kayla burst into tears and says she didn't lie. She didn't know it was going to cost. I comforted her and said that we all make mistakes and sometimes we don't know the whole story until after we made the wrong choice.
I question why the man wouldn't tell her that it cost before he gave her the cups. Then she tells me that it was actually a machine and you had to put your money in BEFORE you could have the hot chocolate. WHAT?????
So I take a deep breath and try to understand why my child would cry about her father saying that she lied, and then in the same sentence admit that she knew it would cost BEFORE she bought it.
We got home, and I sat down with her to have a talk about her behavior and explain why we were both so unhappy with her. What I thought would be a simple and quick talk took well over an hour though.
She couldn't see how this was lying. I gave her several other examples of recent behavior that I also considered lying....and those went out the window as well. She could NOT see (or choose NOT to see) how her actions were being dishonest. And to justify herself it came down to it was HER money. She should be able to spend it how she wanted.
Ahhh...........It was truly a counting to "10" moment for me! REALLY? REALLY?????? So we sat and talked longer.
In the end, my 10 year old daughter tells me that she wants to tell me things, but I just don't understand her so she can't talk to me. This doesn't come as a shock, but is certainly sad to me. She tells me that she can "lie" to me and tell me that she understands why/how she lied to me, but that inside she will still think she is right! Oh my goodness! REALLY?
At the end of things, she finally says she sees my side. And asks to leave. Do I think she really understood. You bet! I think she got it in the first 10 minutes of the talk. But she is so stubborn that she basically refuses to admit she is wrong.
Patience. Lots of patience!!!! That's what will get me through the next few years! Oh.....and a load of understanding. She is so much like what I was. When I see "those" looks from her, I remember them from when I gave them to my mother! I also remember that internal dialog in my head about how much I HATED the talk we were having. I think my mother cursed me when she said she hoped I would have children just like me! ;)
To all the parents out there that have been there and done that- my hat goes off to you! Now I would like a margarita and a hot bath! ;)
My darling 10 yr old who used to think I was incredible, now thinks I'm the biggest pain in the world. I know she thinks I ONLY try to ruin her life in one way or another. Somewhere in my head, I thought we wouldn't deal with this until she was in her teens. Boy was I wrong!
Case and point. Saturday we went grocery shopping. This is something that I actually ENJOY doing. It is fun, and helps my "spending/buying bug" feel satisfied. :) I love walking up and down every isle looking for creative (or not so creative) food choices. I like having to decide if the price of organic is worth it. Or even if the store brand will taste the same as the name brand (to anyone who doesn't know......Mac & Cheese is NOT equal- go brand name here). Anyway, you get the point- it is an enjoyable part of my week/month.
I digress. During our shopping trip my oldest girls enjoy "shopping" on their own. Generally they walk the isles and just look. Occasionally they show up with something they just "have" to have and every now and then we will actually let them have it. We had almost finished our shopping trip when Kayla came and said that a man asked them if they would like hot chocolate and could they "PLEAASSSEEE" have some. Now if YOU were confronted with this situation, wouldn't you think- someone offering them hot chocolate means a sample? We said yes, that was fine.
As we are leaving the store, here come my two girls with HUGE cups of hot chocolate. I say something like "that was the sample?" Kayla tells me at this point that she didn't realize, but it cost money. Her father was less happy than I was, and said something about how she had lied to us.
Kayla burst into tears and says she didn't lie. She didn't know it was going to cost. I comforted her and said that we all make mistakes and sometimes we don't know the whole story until after we made the wrong choice.
I question why the man wouldn't tell her that it cost before he gave her the cups. Then she tells me that it was actually a machine and you had to put your money in BEFORE you could have the hot chocolate. WHAT?????
So I take a deep breath and try to understand why my child would cry about her father saying that she lied, and then in the same sentence admit that she knew it would cost BEFORE she bought it.
We got home, and I sat down with her to have a talk about her behavior and explain why we were both so unhappy with her. What I thought would be a simple and quick talk took well over an hour though.
She couldn't see how this was lying. I gave her several other examples of recent behavior that I also considered lying....and those went out the window as well. She could NOT see (or choose NOT to see) how her actions were being dishonest. And to justify herself it came down to it was HER money. She should be able to spend it how she wanted.
Ahhh...........It was truly a counting to "10" moment for me! REALLY? REALLY?????? So we sat and talked longer.
In the end, my 10 year old daughter tells me that she wants to tell me things, but I just don't understand her so she can't talk to me. This doesn't come as a shock, but is certainly sad to me. She tells me that she can "lie" to me and tell me that she understands why/how she lied to me, but that inside she will still think she is right! Oh my goodness! REALLY?
At the end of things, she finally says she sees my side. And asks to leave. Do I think she really understood. You bet! I think she got it in the first 10 minutes of the talk. But she is so stubborn that she basically refuses to admit she is wrong.
Patience. Lots of patience!!!! That's what will get me through the next few years! Oh.....and a load of understanding. She is so much like what I was. When I see "those" looks from her, I remember them from when I gave them to my mother! I also remember that internal dialog in my head about how much I HATED the talk we were having. I think my mother cursed me when she said she hoped I would have children just like me! ;)
To all the parents out there that have been there and done that- my hat goes off to you! Now I would like a margarita and a hot bath! ;)
Comments